The Premise of Unconditional Love

“Loving people does not mean we need to control their conduct. 

Loving people means caring without an agenda.”

— Bob Goff “Everybody always”

For several weeks now, a topic has been circling in my head: unconditional love. 

I have jotted down several ideas, go back and forth in arguments, and it has been hard to answer my question: does loving unconditionally mean supporting every single decision our loved ones make? Where is the line that divides unconditional from self-love?

If I put the mom’s hat on, I have to admit there seems to be no purer form of love than the one we profess our children, partly because it comes with the innate desire to protect like a lioness with all of our jaws and hoofs; to support and to encourage; to wanting to keep them away from suffering but to incite them to fly on their own.

The spouse’s hat is peculiar because it also means, “I love you because we are a team, and I promise to renew our vote every day while  keeping my ego as tamed as possible." Your heart swells because, besides many other things, the sum is better than the parts.

I have always envisioned the friend’s hat as a steel helmet. I want to put my whole armor to fight with them whatever battle they are facing, regardless if I think there is a chance of winning or if the fight makes sense. That is the time when I know that a friendship is held by love and respect rather than circumstances.

But what happens when we don’t agree with our loved ones' decisions or opinions?  Should our love pick up the pieces of our discordancies? Or should our love stand tall beside the tree of honesty?  While figuring out the issue,  I picked up a random audiobook to listen to during my painting session today. I only saw the reviews without thinking much about it. I guess it is another proof that sometimes books choose us. It was “Everybody Always” by Bob Goff. I found myself putting the brush down to write some incredible quotes. The above one seemed to be the answer to my inquiry.

Unconditional love means loving even and especially when it is difficult to do so; it understands that our different opinions and behaviors are not a measure of our love for each other; it realizes that even if any of the parts falter, we will always come back and work it out; it is to relinquish the control and stop judging, it is celebrating a loved one’s successes when we are at our lowest.  Unconditional love knows that even when they make a huge mistake, we will be there without telling them, “I told you so.”  Unconditional love is giving it all and making ourselves vulnerable even when we know we can get hurt. Because only when we devote ourselves completely is when we discover that the only provision is that we love, love, and love some more.