When Dreams come with an Expiration Date
by Alfonsina Betancourt
“You are such a dreamer,” one of the funniest insults in the history of humanity. Considering that there hasn’t been a discovery, a life-altering innovation, an awe-inspiring enterprise that did not start as a dream makes me believe that those who ditch the dreamers suffer from a limited myopic view.
Photo @senjuti
I love asking kids what they want to be when they grow up. Astronauts, teachers, doctors, parents, architects, you name it. Seeing a child’s face lights up when answering is the precise representation of a soul ignited by a dream. As we grow up and become more aware of life’s challenges, we tend to either put those dreams aside for more practical answers, forgive what it feels like to have that internal desire, or just succumb to the limited belief that life is too difficult.
I have always considered myself a dreamer, either with my eyes open during the day or with my eyes closed during vivid adventures at night. Lucky for me, I was raised in a household where I was allowed to focus on what I imagined my future would be without societal constrictions. Then as an adult, I acquired the practice of crafting wild Buckets Lists that I update every year. While some people plan their futures in carefully detailed excel sheets, I move through life, jumping from one visualized fantasy to the next one.
Dreams not only provide that lighted-up expression we experienced as children. They also offer the gift of believing in the magic that something otherwise improbable can become a reality. No surprise that Dreamland exists on the border between miracles and reality. It allows us to become the creators of incredible worlds, blossomed with the determination of seeing them through. We are the innovators, the brilliant scientist, the genius artists.
Photo @city_child
We tend to define ourselves by the grandiosity of our dreams. The wildest they are, the more ambitious we seem. Have you ever described somebody by what they dream of? “She is studying because she wants to become a successful entrepreneur,” or “He is so busy because he wants to own his own house by 30.” We all fall into the trap of “Tell me your dream and I will judge your character.” That is why we are either afraid to express our dreams or just need to repeat them aloud as if hearing them will convince us that is what we want. Our egos often try to hold on to our dreams because they seem tied to our identity. But as we evolve, we must permit ourselves to reconsider whatever we wanted before.
It took me to be confronted with the truth of an unfulfilled dream to realize that we sometimes ought to release the leash we have over our previously set fantastic goals.
By the time I reached adolescence, I had made a detailed plan for my life, fueled by many dreams. I was going to graduate from college back home, then move to Florence to continue my painting studies, get my master’s, get married in my 30s, have children, spend some time in Athens, publish books, and live happily ever after.
And then I fell in love.
My dreams did not fit the mold that my then-boyfriend had crafted for himself. So, I compromised. I got married more than a decade younger than I expected, moved to Boston, decided to abandon painting for photography, and got pregnant at 22. There was no Florence or Athens, but we lived for a short time in Prague. I became an artist and wrote my first book.
Life took me on a detour, ditched some of the details, and situated me in the place I was supposed to be. I do not doubt that.
photo @hrrbhn
I recently told a friend about how I wanted to live in Florence when I was younger, and she asked, “why not do it now?” I didn’t reject the idea immediately. Instead, I did what usually provides me with the most accurate answers: I checked my body. When I thought about what it would be like to move to Florence now, I felt nothing. There was no sign of an internal fire, of a tingling excitement, of goosebumps. NOTHING.
“That dream has expired,” I said to my friend with a peaceful conviction that startled me.
If you are not feeling your soul ablaze when you think about a previously imagined goal, I suggest you consider if your dream could have expired too.
These are some signs you may need to reconsider your wish lists:
Photo @joshlid
You don’t vibrate:When a dream is highly connected to our soul and the most authentic parts of ourselves, we vibrate higher when we think about it. Calm your mental chatter and listen carefully to how your body reacts. If you don’t feel butterflies in your stomach or a sense of anticipation and peace, it may mean you need to pack that dream.
You have bigger dreams: Sometimes, life takes us on little detours that show us different horizons. Maybe what you wanted before seems small now. Take the opportunity to shoot higher if that is what your soul is asking you to do.
You have different interests: What might have offered plenty of fantasies in your childhood may have stopped providing the fuel you need now. As a child, I wanted to be a ballerina so fiercely! But if you ask me now, I wouldn’t put myself in a tutu even if I was offered a million dollars. I still dance daily, but ballet, only to see it performed by others on stage!
The sacrifice required to fulfill a dream does not sound appealing:Often, we may choose to forfeit a plan. Maybe you dreamt of traveling the world on a sailboat solo, but now you have kids, and the idea of leaving them alone for months does not sound appealing at all. As long as we feel empowered to choose for ourselves, we can count on our capacity to choose the right path.
The dream belonged to an older version of you: As we grow, we must be in a perpetual evaluation of our goals. As we change – as we are supposed to do- we can’t be contained in the same mold. That sometimes forces us to outgrow our space and, with it, our dreams.
It takes us away from our Authentic Selves: When our dreams are a byproduct of our minds rather than our souls, we may be lied to by our egos and social expectations that the dream is really what we want. As we become more connected to our Authentic Self, we start finding out what aligns with our truth and brings us farther from it. As we engage in the path to authenticity, we start peeling the layers of everything the world wanted us to achieve and discover what we desire.
photo @yohannlc
There is only one contraindication to dumping a dream. If you abandon a pursuit because you lack stamina or don’t want to put the effort is usually an indication that there may be other factors affecting your decision, such as lack of clarity, fear of failure, and perfectionism. In that case, take a pause and reevaluate. If you realize you need to veer directions, breathe deeply and move on. It is your life, and you deserve to live in integrity with your soul’s desires. The courageous act of dumping a dream, especially when we have made it public, takes a lot of practice. We are taught from an early age that quitters are losers. But why do we need to pursue an enterprise that no longer works for us?
If, at the moment, you feel uninspired without a clear direction of what you want, you may start by making a list of things that make your soul feel alive. Maybe it is spending time with friends, singing, organizing closets, listening to someone’s stories, capturing the world through a lens, practicing a team sport. Those are the clues of where your authentic self wants to go. Make them into outrageous bucket lists and see how many of those you can make a reality. Don’t wait until a mid-life crisis after living life to conform to others’ expectations of you to reevaluate your dreams. Instead, light up your heart and soul and follow its wisdom.
Give yourself permission to dump an expired dream and accept that you are in constant evolution. You deserve to experience that sense of innocent wonder you experienced as a child when you were asked what you wanted to be when you grew up. Once you realize what that is, keep walking on that path. It is surprising how the Universe conspires in our favor to make them come true – and sometimes detours us so we can find the way back to our authentic selves. Let any abandoned dream be the fuel for new blazes. Your soul knows what it should do. Listen and keep dreaming. Even if our plans sound like complete irreverent fantasies, the world needs more dreamers like you and me.
And if someone tells you “you are such a dreamer,” just laugh, steal Lennon’s answer and respond, “but I am not the only one.” Not, you are not. Welcome to the Club, soul-on fire fellow visionary! I truly hope your dreams come true or that you are wise enough to dump the expired ones.
Photo @randytarampi
Photo @randytarampi
What are you dreaming now? What past dreams have expired?
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