Rules of friendship
There is a cure for every disease; sometimes, it arrives too late or not strong enough, but independently of the results, we know something else could have been done differently. In the world of heartaches, there seems to be an infallible cure: contact with true friends. For some time now, I have questioned a lot the meaning of friendships, especially since I tend to gravitate to fewer meaningful relationships rather than a tide of social acquaintances.
Being forced to redefine my “amigos” (something I am very thankful for), I started asking myself what is that makes a true friend, one of those that we call in time of crisis and are the first ones to hear our great news, those that call you the moment you are thinking about them and those for whom you drop whatever you are doing to run to their sides when they need you. Because life sometimes has very strange ways of teaching us, in my moment of greatest doubts on this topic, I have had the opportunity to spend time either in person or by phone with that handful of friends who belong to the inner circle or my trust, most of them traveling thousands of miles to generously give me the wonderful chance of a shared wine, dinner or even a few days of great company.
Since I always have to find a purpose to those big coincidences that tend to come in herds to make us reflect on a single topic, I thought these encounters were the remedy life has sent me to cure my heart, a heart that has been severely bruised by the shattering of trust. So, I started finding common characteristics in those relationships. Suddenly it became very obvious why some people are and will always be our greatest buddies and confidants while others will and should remain in the second layer of friendly acquaintances. It came naturally to number those qualities, although I suspect not everyone might agree with them. These are what I consider to be the unbendable characteristics of a true friend:
1. Friends can enjoy your success, whether be a new job, weight loss, lottery winning, or a very handsome date.
2. Friends do not judge.
3. Friends take your battles as if they were their own. They get on the battlefield with you without even questioning, even knowing risks are involved.
4. Friends always have your back but do not have a problem facing you and tell you things to your face.
5. They never take anything that is yours. They know that trust is based on the principle of respecting boundaries, big or small, and that they have no authority to decide if you are giving it the proper use.
6. They hear, and they also talk. Real friendship is a two-way road that thrives in exchanging ideas, words, and affection.
7. Friends do not remain neutral in times of conflict. That gray area where cowards and diplomats remain is called “the land of the casual acquaintances.”
8. Real friends always make you feel good about yourself. After talking with them, you feel appreciated, loved, and admired. At the same time, you know your friend is feeling exactly the same way.
9. They always carry the flag of honesty, being upfront about any issue that could shatter the trust.
10. You both share the same moral code. You do not need to agree on everything, but you cannot have any problem with the ethics your friend applies to others. After all, you can be sure that if times get darker, that would be the moral code applied to you.
11. You understand that friends can have other friends. If you know in your heart the kind of bond that exists between you two, you understand that is not broken by anybody else.
12. You know you got a very good friend when, regardless of distance or time or lack of Facebook updates, once you reconnect, it is as if time has never advanced, and you still see each other as kids that open their hearts without hesitation because you know your heart is safe in their hands.
This is a tribute to my wonderful friends, who have taught me quite a bit. I love you all, and I will be forever grateful.
Originally posted 1/2014